Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
