Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
