Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
