no, he came in my armpit
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
