the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
