theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
