we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
