there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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