Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
