Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize