from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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