i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
