two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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