I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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