atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
