If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
