He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
