I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
