well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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