3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
