She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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