I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize