ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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