You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
