Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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