There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
