hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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