sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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