He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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