my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
