Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
