there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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