Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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