If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She bit a glass in half.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
