When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
