I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
