$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
