I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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