The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
