i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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