Can Purell be used as lube?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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