cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Come see our sink grown plant.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
