she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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