hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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