You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
