we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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