I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
