Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
