i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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