you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
