I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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