I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i think my cat just said my name.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
