hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
