She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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