i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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