so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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