my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
