Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
