Swine flu. Run for my life!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is Oprah even human
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
