I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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