During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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