We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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